I care about you
by mashlover
Summary: Hawkeye and Margret are always there for each other when they need it.
1. Chapter 1

It was a gloomy day at the 4077, perfect weather to match Margaret's mood. She was extra irritable and stressed out because not only did they lose 5 patients that day, 3 of which she had assisted on, but also because she was becoming more and more frustrated that she hadn't shared company with a man in a long time. Margaret Houlihan was never a woman who needed a man but after months of not having one to enjoy she was lonely.

Pierce's mood wasn't too much better. He worked on 4 of those patients they lost and he was taking it pretty hard. Typical fashion for Hawkeye, he tended to take each case very personal. Everyone tried to tell him there's nothing he could have done and that it wasn't his fault but that didn't stop him from being upset.

"Hawk... they were just too far gone. Nobody would have been able to save them. Stop beating yourself up" BJ said.

"Yeah well that doesn't make me feel any better. I'm gonna go to the officer's club and have a drink."

"Want me to go with you?" BJ asked while looking down at his unfinished letter to his wife.

"no I'll be fine, just keep writing to Peg."

BJ was worried about him but this wasn't the first time Hawkeye was upset about losing a patient or patient(s) and it won't be the last. He'll get through it, his own way.

Hawkeye got to the officer's club when Margaret was already three glasses of scotch in and a little tipsy. He sat on the stool next to her and looked at her.

"You having a rough day too?"

"What gave you the clue?" Margaret sneered.

Hawkeye just looked away, he wasn't in the mood.

So Margaret said "I'm sorry captain, I AM in a bad mood, I shouldn't take it out on you."

Hawkeye brushed it off "It's fine, wanna talk about it?"

"not particularly."

"You sure? It might help. I'm not in the highest spirits either, maybe we can help each other. be each other's shoulder to cry on if you will." Hawkeye said in his typical joking manner.

"Thank you captain but I have no intention to cry on your shoulder or in front of anyone for that matter."

"Margaret you know it's not good to hold it in, whatever's bothering you, you need to let it out. I'm here, you can tell me."

Margaret should know by now that when Hawkeye knows she's upset there's no use in trying to fight him, he'll get it out of her sooner or later. So she simply gave up, downed the rest of her scotch, and left headed for her tent. Hawkeye got the message and did the same then got up and followed her.

She hated letting her feelings show to anyone else and didn't like people to know when she was upset, except for Hawkeye. She was comfortable around him; he had comforted her so many times now since they've been stuck in this hell hole that she had come to rely on him. They had become closer since that night they shared in the hut and she was grateful that he cared.

Once they reached her tent she sat on her bed and he pulled up a chair to sit close to her. Personal space? What's that?

"I can't get those boys we lost today out of my mind. They were so young, they had their whole lives ahead of them." She said sadly.

Hearing this Hawkeye's face fell, he felt the same.

"I know how you feel; I can't stop thinking about them either. And you're just the nurse imagine how I feel." He instantly kicked himself for letting those words come out when he didn't mean them.

"Margaret I'm sor-"

"See THIS is why I didn't want to talk to you. Just because I'm a nurse and you're the doctor I can't feel sad for them or even guilty that they died? How DARE you say that!" She yelled.

"Margaret I'm sorry I didn't mean that! I'm... I'm just... I feel responsible..."

"Responsible? Hawkeye there's nothing you could have done! One was shot in the head another was hit directly in the heart. Nobody could have saved them."

"Yet here who are saying you feel guilty too." Hawkeye said sadly.

"Feeling guilty is not the same as feeling _responsible."_

He looked at her confused, urging her to explain.

"I understand that there was nothing that could have been done but I'm sad that it happened to them. That they got stuck in a war that they wanted nothing to do with and they got killed because of it. And being regular army… that… that just makes me feel _worse."_

"What do you mean?"

"Someone like me who dedicates their life to serving the army, in my case because it's all I've ever known, and I'm here _alive_ and healthy. While these young boys who were forced to come over here are dead. Most before they even make it to their mid-twenties. This isn't _right."_ Tears welled in her eyes and her voice broke on that last word when the lump formed in her throat.

"Margaret… I didn't know you felt this way." Hawkeye said unsure of what else to say and surprised but touched that Margaret felt this way. She's come a long way from when they first met, he thought.

"nobody does." She said quietly, on the verge of tears. She blinked furiously trying to keep the tears from spilling.

This did not go unnoticed so Hawkeye moved to sit next to her and put an arm around her shoulder and that did it. She couldn't fight against his comfort so she'd clung to him and cried.

After a moment she said "I'm sorry, you said you're upset to. How can I help you?"

He just chuckled and said "you already are."

She looked up at him with a tear stained face, still beautiful, unsure of what to say when she saw the emotion in his eyes. They stared into each other's eyes for a moment until…

Their lips met softly at first, when he pulled back to look at her eyes to see if she wanted him to continue, she did. So the second kiss wasn't so soft, it was full of passion and lust. both wanting to comfort each other and make each other forgot that guilt and sadness they felt. And so they did.

Hawkeye pushed Margaret gently back on her bed losing his shirt in the process. Margaret was eager to unbutton her shirt, too eager and only fumbled with buttons. They both laughed when Hawkeye pushed her hands away and quickly unbuttoned it himself and tossed it to the floor. Soon there was nothing between their skins and they enjoyed each other for the following few hours.

Afterwards, they laid in each other's arms tired but happy. Margaret absentmindedly ran her fingers up and down Hawkeye's arm that was secured tightly around her waist. His other hand gently stroking her hair.

"I should probably get back to the swamp…" but Margaret only tightened her arms around him.

"Unless you want me to stay…?" He continued.

"You can stay…I mean if you want to."

He smiled "Of course I want to Margaret but aren't you worried BJ and Charles will get suspicious? As well as the rest of the camp will when I leave in the morning?"

"I don't care." She simply stated.

"You don't?"

"no, I don't regret what just happened. Do you?" She was too scared to look into his eyes.

"Of course not, I just thought…"

"You just thought that how my relationship was with Frank I'd be the same with you."

"Well I didn't want to say it."

"For your information I'm not ashamed of what I have with you." He smiled when she said this.

"but I don't want you to worry Hawkeye."

Confused he said "worry?"

"I know this doesn't mean anything more than just one night. I don't expect you to fall in love with me, want to get married, and live happily ever after. We just both needed this tonight."

"Margaret I-"

"Shhh, it's okay. I get it."

"I do care for you Margret. It's just that it's… I don't… we're too-"

"We're too different."

"Yeah…" His voice trailed off.

"It's fine. We both can admit we care for each other but nothing can come of it."

"I'm sorry Margret."

"You don't have to be. I'm grateful for what we do have and that I can rely on you when I need comfort, as you can with me." She said as she snuggled closer to him.

"Or if we need this again." While doing his typical wagging of his eyebrows.

She rolled her eyes. "Always with the jokes."

He held her tighter. "This isn't a joke to me Margret, I really do care for you."

"I know; I care for you too Hawkeye."

"If only we weren't so different…" His voice trailed off again.

"I know." She placed a kiss on his chest as he placed one on her forehead.

"I'm up for round two if you are." He dared.

She thought for a moment and said "why not."

They both laughed again as they kissed and he climbed back on top of her.


	2. Chapter 2

2 weeks later….

Hawkeye was having another bad day. He had been in the o.r. for 16 straight hours. It was one of the worst batch of wounded he'd ever seen. So many young boys no more than 19 years old. Battered, bloodied, and dying. One boy came through who was shot in the head.

"My god." Margaret said sadly when she saw him.

"He never stood a chance…" Hawkeye said quietly.

"Hawk there's nothing you-" BJ said

"-I know I know! Nothing I could of done would have been able to save him. Telling me that over and over isn't going to make me feel any better about it!" Hawkeye yelled. Margaret put her hand on his shoulder. BJ knew Hawkeye didn't mean to bite his head off, it's always just so difficult for Hawkeye when he lost a patient.

Colonel Potter cut in "Listen son, go get some rest there's only two more patients out there and they're not in bad shape. We can finish up here without you."

Hawkeye just looked at Potter, thanked him quietly and left.

"You too Margaret, you're the only one other than Pierce who hasn't taken a break."

"Yes sir." Margaret said and followed Hawkeye out.

She felt so bad for Hawkeye, how sad it made him when he lost a patient. She knew telling him it wasn't his fault or that there's nothing he could of done would help him. It would only make it worse. But she knew what she could do make him feel better. She caught up to him on his way to the swamp. She grabbed is arm and turned him around, he looked at her questioningly. She was at a loss of words so she just grabbed his hand and led him to her tent. When inside,

"Margaret what are you-" She stopped him by kissing him.

"I'm sorry this place is so lousy, I'm sorry that we constantly have to see these boys come in here, shot up and either leave disfigured or leave in casket. And I'm sorry that you feel these boy's pain so deeply." She said to him before she kissed him again. Untying his scrubs in the process.

"I can't make your pain go away but I want to help you feel better. Lean on me Hawkeye, you're always there for me, let me be there for you."

He was speechless so he just looked at her tenderly, lovingly. And he kissed her sweetly, passionately, endlessly. So thankful to have her in his life. They weren't together but this place would be a hell of a lot worse for him without her.

She was pulling him to her cot as they were removing each other's clothes in the process.

"So beautiful.." He whispered as he laid her down and kissed her some more. They lost themselves in each other for a few hours. A few very much needed hours.

He held her in his arms after and didn't want to let her go.

"Thank you for this…" he said as he kissed her forehead "...I needed it...I needed you."

She looked up and kissed him "The truth is so did I. I wanted to help you as well."

"You did. Thank you Margaret."

She laid her head on his chest, closed her eyes and smiled. "Anytime."

"Is that a promise?" Hawkeye asked mischievously.

"Actually it is." She said "Whenever you need me… I'm here."

Hawkeye was surprised but he said

"And whenever you need me, I'm here also."

She smiled and reached up to kiss him.

"How's right now sound?" She asked.

"Sounds wonderful!" He smiled.


End file.
